the_brighty_and_fireyfandomcom-20200216-history
Bolbosour?
AYYY ITS A POKEMON FIC as of rn it's incomplete but it will be finished bc it's fucking hilarious to me no major warnings besides it's a cracky mess mostly gen but there are mentions of established Blue/Red, Lucas/Calem, and Brendan/Black the blurb Blue comes to the horrifying realization that his report has been sabotaged, and makes up his mind to find the culprit behind the deed. It does not go as planned. Bolbosour? The official report had come back with a glowing response, one that Blue was incredibly pleased with. He'd worked hard to complete his study on grass type starters, and so this level of praise made him glow. As he read through the letter again, a smile on his face, he noticed a tiny line at the bottom that had escaped him before. One small question that I have, is what is a ‘Bolbosour?’ You referred to this Pokemon multiple times in your report, but I do not recognize any Pokemon by that name. Is it a new, undocumented species? I would love to learn more about it. Sincerely yours, Professor Kukui. Blue blinked. Just to make sure, he read over the letter again. He hadn't been mistaken, the subjective word ‘Bolbosour’ had indeed written by the Professor. Blue turned back to report itself, and skimmed the Bulbasaur section. It was the longest section of the report, as he not only knew the most about the Bulbasaur already, Leaf had been more than willing to divulge information about her beloved ‘Cabbage.’ Every instance of Bulbasaur had been replaced with Bolbosour. “What?” Blue muttered, running his finger across the page, “How did…” It suddenly struck him, and he let out a heavy sigh. Blue reached into his pocket for his phone, and hit the second number on speed dial. The phone rang three times before Leaf picked up. As soon as she spoke, Blue cut her off, “Thanks a lot.” “Uh,” Leaf replied, “See I’d love to take credit for whatever happened, but I don’t actually know what you’re talking about.” Blue rolled his eyes, “You know exactly what I’m talking about. My report on grass type starters came back today.” “Did Professor Kukui like the picture of Cabbage?!” Leaf asked excitedly. Blue frowned, “You wanted me to enclose that with the report?” Leaf said, “Of course I did! It was going to be the most important part, only second to the one on one interview between me and you about Cabbage!” “I didn’t include that either,” Blue responded. He could almost see Leaf pouting on the other line, “You’re no fun.” Blue said, “Well, considering what you did, I don’t think that I should feel any remorse.” “Are you gonna tell me what I supposedly did, or are you just gonna yell at me, sir?” “Leaf, for crying out loud-” “What did I do?” Leaf said. Blue sighed, “You changed every ‘Bulbasaur’ to ‘Bolbosour.’” Leaf went quiet for a long moment, “...I did?” “Leaf-” Leaf interjected, “I know it seems exactly like something I’d do-” “It is exactly something you would do!” Blue said, “Hence why my report was compromised.” Leaf replied, “Blue. I’ve been in Unova for the past two weeks.” Blue said, “Do you ever work?” “That’s not the point- When could I have had the chance to mess with your report?” Leaf said, “I mean, we conducted all our interviews over the phone.” Blue froze. She was right. In fact, he hadn’t even started writing his report until after she had left. So how did the word ‘Bolbosour’ end up written two hundred and eighty-eight times in the report? Leaf added, “The only one who could have written that in was you.” Blue snorted, “Don’t be ridiculous, Leaf. It had to have been someone else… Red?” Leaf said, “Does he know your laptop password? No wait, he wouldn’t. You wouldn’t want your boyfriend to see your stash of vore porn anyways.” “I DO NOT HAVE VORE PORN ON MY LAPTOP!” Blue shouted. Leaf said, “Jeez, Blue. Yell a little louder, why don’t you? I don’t think the entirety of Unova heard you.” Blue took a deep breath, “It couldn’t have been Red. He’s been on the top of Mount Silver for the past four years.” “Duh,” Leaf replied, “Well, call around, see what you can find! You’re wasting my precious vacation- I mean my research project time.” “Leaf-” “Bye, Blue!” Blue sighed as Leaf hung up. With her off the list of suspects, Blue pressed called the third person on speed dial. Gold picked up almost instantly, the swish of his cape in the background. “What.” “Harsh,” Blue muttered, “Gold, it’s me, Blue.” “I know,” came Gold’s reply. Blue sighed, “Gold, you know my very important report on grass type starters?” Gold said, “The one that kept you cooped up at your desk for the past week and a half?” “Yes, that one,” Blue said. Gold replied, “What about it?” “Did you change every ‘Bulbasaur’ in the report to ‘Bolbosour?’” Gold went quiet, before saying, “Why would I waste my time with that? Also, how would I even get the password to your computer?” The image of Gold threatening the lab assistants with his Tyranitar flashed through Blue’s mind. Blue said, “Because you wanted me to look like a fool in front of Professor Kukui?” Gold snorted, “You do a well enough job of that on your own.” “I’m hanging up now.” “It was probably Silver,” Gold added, “He’d probably do that.” Blue didn’t answer, and hit ‘end.’ He figured he should probably try calling someone else before Silver, as the short boy liked to push blame onto redhead. Blue scrolled through his contacts, trying to figure out who he would call next. His finger landed on Kyouhei’s number, and he held the phone to his ear. “Hello Senior Blue!!!” was Kyouhei’s excited response. Blue said, “Hey, Kyouhei, do you know about Bolbosours- I MEAN- Bulbasaurs?” “Bolbosour! Bolbosour!” Kyouhei chanted, “Also, no!” Blue sighed, “Thanks, Kyouhei.” Kyouhei replied, “You’re welcome, Senior Blue! I’m gonna go catch a Bolbosour!” With that, he hung up. Blue took a long moment of silence before taking Gold’s advice and calling Silver. As soon as Silver picked up, Blue said, “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Silver inhaled sharply, “Look, Blue…” Blue said, “Don’t try to defend yourself. Do you know what’s on the line here?” “I’m really sorry,” Silver replied quietly. “So it was you!” Blue declared, “Why would you do this to me?” “I didn’t have a choice!” Silver said, “Listen, the knife was in my hand, what did you want me to do?” What? Silver continued, “Is this going to go to court? I don’t have a lawyer.” Blue blinked, “No, uh… Silver, I wanted to know who sabotaged my report.” “Oh.” Silver replied, “That… was not me.” “What were you talking about, anyways?” Blue asked. Silver said, “Nothing. Bye.” “Bitch hung up on me!” Blue said to his phone. That was the last time he’d listen to Gold, at any rate. Okay… out of everyone who’s left, who would be most likely to do this to me? Blue settled on Artemis. As one of the newest dex holders, she would be likely to try and pull a prank on one of the seniors, right? Right? “HELLO!” Blue moved the phone away from his ear, “Artemis? Can I talk to you about something?” “Shore thing!” Artemis said. Blue said, “Did you by any chance change ‘Bulbasaur’ to ‘Bolbosour’ in my report?” “What’s a Bolbosour?” Blue sighed, “Never mind… Can you hand this over to Apollo?” Artemis replied, “Okay! Hey, Pollo, catch!” The sound of the phone sailing through the air made Blue sigh. Apollo’s voice was muffled, “Who’s calling, Temi?” “Senior Blue!” Somehow, Artemis’s shout was clear as crystal. “AHH!” The phone hit the ground again. After a moment, someone spoke into the receiver, “Hiya.” “Is this Apollo?” Blue asked. “Nope, it’s Hau.” Blue said, “Well, Hau. Did you edit my report on grass type pokemon?” Hau replied, “I didn’t know you were writing a report! Hey, Apollo! Blue’s writing a report!” “T-That’s great…” came Apollo’s quiet squeak. Blue pinched the bridge of his nose, “I don’t think it was you two. Goodbye, Hau.” “Seeya!” Hau hung up, and Blue put his head down on his desk. After a minute of moping, he sat up and phoned Dawn. Dawn picked up after the fourth ring, but didn’t say a word. Blue waited a couple seconds, before saying, “Dawn? Were you the one who changed the ‘Bulbasaurs’ in my report to ‘Bolbosour?’” “Ha… Ha…” Dawn’s slow, monotone laugh made Blue shudder. Then suddenly, there was a loud ‘thunk’ as the phone dropped to the floor. “Dawn!” Blue shouted, “Your phone!” In the background, Blue heard the sound of a television clicking on. Blue yelled, “Dawn, don’t you dare!” “The local Emboar scavengers for food. It is an entirely domesticated species, and yet it feels the need to capture its prey.” The calm voice of the documentary narrator was too much for Blue to deal with. He hung up, as Dawn likely wouldn’t move for the next hour or three. Blue sighed, but then accidentally hit Lucas’s name in his contacts. He decided to just go with it, as he needed to interrogate everyone eventually. Lucas didn’t even waste a breath for a greeting, “I cannot believe Calem! I simply want him to appreciate the art of the TED Talk, but all he does is ask me when ‘Ted’ is going to appear!” ...What? Blue said, “Isn’t it an acronym for ‘technology entertainment something?’” Lucas responded, “Yes! ‘Technology, entertainment, design.’ But Calem refuses to accept this. He is insistent that it must be called TED Talks because someone named Ted is talking, but that is simply not the case! I’m incredibly infuriated with him.” “Well, this guy named Ted Azalea is presenting next week,” Blue responded, scrolling through their website. Lucas let out an angry screech, “Oh, you just had to prove him right! I’m never going to hear the end of this!” With that, he hung up. Blue slammed his fist down on his desk, “I never asked him if he edited my report!” After pitying himself for approximately ten minutes, Blue realized that Lucas was the least likely to destroy a piece of scientific research. Perhaps Calem had been the one to edit his report? As Lucas had just said, Calem didn’t know what a TED Talk was, so maybe he had changed ‘Bulbasaur’ to ‘Bolbosour’ believing the latter was correct? It was the best idea he currently had. “Who the hell is this?” Blue took a deep breath, “It’s Blue.” “Right! Hey there Blue! Senior Blue? Ah, whatever,” Calem said, “I forgot that ya can look at the little screen… What did Lucas call it? A ‘Collar Eye Dee?’” “Yeah, that’s it,” Blue said, not wanting to bother correcting him. Calem replied, “Nice! Hey, why’re ya callin’? I’m busy shiny huntin’ right now, so if I suddenly hang up, I found one.” Considering Calem’s idea of shiny hunting was standing around in a field until one appeared, Blue figured he was good. Suddenly, Calem added, “By the way, do ya know why Lucas is mad at me? He was tryin’ to show me one of his Ted things and he gets upset every time I ask where Ted is.” Blue’s hand hit his forehead, “It’s an acronym. There isn’t a guy named Ted.” “But if it’s called Ted Talks, then why isn’t he here?” Calem replied. Blue said, “No, argh… Okay, there’s a guy named Ted who’s supposed to present next week, okay? That’s where Ted has been this whole time.” Calem cried, “I knew it! I knew they were hidin’ him from me!” He hadn’t realized it then, but Blue had just made an enormous mistake. “Why has he been off the show for so long then?” Calem asked, “If it’s named after him, he’s gotta talk on it, right?” Blue said, “Uh, I don’t think it really-” “It does!” Calem replied, “But at least I was right! Lucas is never gonna believe this.” Blue said, “Okay, Calem? This conversation, it's over.” Calem gasped, “Ted Talks is over?! But Ted hasn't even talked yet!” Blue tugged on his hair, “No, that’s not what I-” “What’s Lucas gonna do now? And how will I be able to tell him that I was right?” Calem cried, “They can’t cancel Ted Talks!” “They’re not cancelling it!” Blue shouted. Calem replied, “So ya lied to me?!” Blue said, “I never even said that they were!” “Yes ya did!” Calem shouted. With that, Calem hung up. Blue sat in shock before whispering, “I never… asked about my report…” He hesitated, then called Calem again. “WHAT.” “Did you change every instance of ‘Bulbasaur’ to ‘Bolbosour’ in my report?” “NO.” Calem hung up again, and Blue muttered, “That was all I wanted to know.” Blue’s phone rang for the first time all afternoon. He looked at the screen blearily. Shauna Zephyr “Hello?” “Uh, hey, Blue,” Shauna said tentatively, “I’m calling about Calem.” Blue shuddered, “What did he do now?” “Well, he just showed up and started yelling about ‘TED Talks’ and he brought up your name a few times,” Shauna said. Blue groaned, “Of course he did.” Shauna asked, “Is everything okay? He seems… stressed.” Blue said, “We just had a very one sided conversation, and really he just needs to talk to Lucas about what a TED Talk is.” Shauna called out behind her, “Calem! Blue says you need to call your boyfriend!” Calem shouted something that Blue couldn’t make out. Shauna sighed, “He just got back from the fen-” “I ain’t gonna say it again! A bog is a wetland, a fen is alkalic!” Shauna responded, “Same difference!” “No it ain’t! Lucas told me what it was, and I told you!” Calem shouted. Shauna sighed, “Sorry about that.” Blue rubbed his forehead, “It’s fine. Just one thing, before you go? Did you by any chance edit my grass type report so that ‘Bulbasaur’ was changed to ‘Bolbosour?’ Chou, Shauna’s Bulbasaur, squeaked. “Nu-uh, mon petit! ''Momma’s on the phone!” Shauna cooed. She answered, “No, that wasn’t me. I don’t have that kind of time.” Blue sighed, “Okay, thanks.” '' I’ve gotten nowhere… In the background, Calem said, “Hey, Shauna? Kinnie-Kins set this on fire, is that okay?” “She did what?!” Shauna hung up abruptly. Blue stared blankly at his phone for a couple seconds. It had been over an hour since he’d first gone looking for the person who defaced his report, and he’d made zero progress. Who, out of the people left, would be most likely to have done it? Blue thought long and hard, before a sudden (and rather obvious) conclusion. Mei. She had been with Leaf for the past two weeks, giving her a tour of Unova. Mei and Leaf often acted like they were siblings, and so if Leaf had passed on the idea that she wished to prank him, Mei could have picked it up. Leaf was the first to coin the ‘Bolbosour’ idea, and the more Blue thought about it, the more it made sense. ...And okay, Mei also had a Porygon-Z with the ability to hack into electronic devices. Maybe she should have been the first person that he called. Blue dialled her number fiercely, and held his phone up to his ear. “Hello?” Mei answered. In the background, Leaf yelled, “Who’s calling?” “Blue is,” Mei responded. “AGAIN?” Blue rolled his eyes. Mei said, “My apologies. Is everything alright?” Blue said, “Mei, I’m looking for the person who defaced my report. They changed every instance of ‘Bulbasaur’ to ‘Bolbosour’ and I need to find who it was. Was it you?” Mei replied, “Forgive me, but how could I have possibly done that? I’ve been in Unova - with Leaf - for two weeks now.” ...Right. Blue coughed, “C-Couldn’t your Porygon-Z have done it?” Mei said, “Unfortunately, no. Popo needs direct instructions from me, so we would both have to be there.” “Oh…” Blue said, “Wait, why is that unfortunate?” Mei went silent. “Mei!” “No reason at all,” she quickly amended, “Good luck finding out who it was.” She hung up. Blue stood up, and then lay down on the floor. There was a knock on his door, “Blue? A-Are you okay?” “Not now, Daisy,” Blue mumbled into the carpet. Daisy replied, “But I-” Blue whined, and Daisy’s footsteps backed away. (wip) Category:Brighty's Stuff Category:Fanfictions Category:Pokemon Category:Non-Warriors Category:Non-Ace Attorney Category:Non-Dangan Ronpa